Special thanks to Mysteryman9999, Darknessreaper9 and Peppersam for your contributions to Schnans the Calcium Lad.
“Do wann bad tim?”
-Schnans to Papis after spilling CoolAid on his sock.
Overview
Schnans come from AU called OverDeltaDustFellShiftSwapSwapShiftTale: The last inhalation, which he would later rename as SCHNANS-PLAISE!!! so he could remember what it was called more easily.
Schnans is a Calcium lad like his broski The Gravy Papis who he fucking despises and his estranged father Gaster who said left to get some trans-dimensional milk and never returned. One day, Papis spilt his CoolAid on a sock that Schans left in the living room. Unfortunately for Papis, that was Schans’ favourite cum sock and Schnans would be very mad. Sas slapped Papis so hard that he broke the barrier, his universe, multiverse and fractured the omniverse.
Now Schans roams the Omniverse and the Godverse in search of a new cum sock, destroying everything in his path. In fact, he just ate King Omniverse yesterday and he took a shit in Meta Godity’s slipper.
Power and abilities
Schnans is a being of incomprehensible power, in fact, he made Everything!Sans his bitch in a pissing contest that he hosted recently. Schnans is infinite in almost every stat, partly due to the fact that can’t count and because Papis threw him into the GRAVY PAPIS custom microwave out of rage for Logan Paul losing the fight against Floyd Mayweather for thirty minutes which messed Schnans up a bit. It’s also the reason for why he looks like a melting piece of plastic. The only exception to his infinite stats is is health, which is at -2 HP. You can decrease his health but it won’t have any effect on him. Whenever he survives what should be a deadly blow, he announces that he went back in time before the blow was dealt to him like a four year-old playing pretend with his friends.
His abilities include, but are not limited to:
-Throwing Xbox 360 controllers and backup cum socks
- Sus Bones: Bones which are melting that deals damage. The bones are made out of solidified...at this point you already know, and it's melting infinitely due to the microwave.
-I SLAP MAH NUTS: Schnans slaps his nuts resulting in a ripple in the timeline leaving his opponents frozen.
-AIDS. Schnans forces himself upon his opponent, resulting in a weakened immune system
-Omniversal time travel and teleportation. Thanks to Schnans’ ability to warp space and time itself, he can essentially go anywhere he wants whenever he want to.
-Socks strings. Manipulates long ropes made of crusty socks that can be used to grapple and tie up opponents.
-BiG SChlap. Schnans slaps his opponents this can potentially break reality itself.
-Asster Blaster. Schnans shits at a high velocity, causing his feces to become a dangerous projectile
-Immunity to mental manipulation. Schnans doesn’t have enough brain cells for someone to use mind control on him.
-Hitler speech. Does a Hitler speech which inspires anyone who hears it. Those who are inspired will follow Schnans’ every command.
-Radiation poisoning. He absorbed radiation from the microwave and should be able to inflict it upon his foes, or use it to give them cancer.
-This is my Kingdom Cum. Schnans can literally turn people into cum, he can only use this if the person is in low HP, however. The more cum he absorbs, the stronger he gets.
- Rumour has it, Schnans thought he could make his Gaster Blasters more powerful by leaving them in the microwave for days at a time. At the price of burning down his home several times, he now has calcium blasters.
-Hyper Regeneration
-Big boi hands. He can summon comically large energy hands that are radioative and can give people cancer it hit enough with them.
Relationships
Papis
The two basically just beat the crap out of each other on a regular basis and despise each other, however as both are effectively immortal, nothing actually comes out of this spite other than just a bunch of destruction, much to the annoyance of Flowey.
Flowey
Schans just harasses and tortures him for no legitimate reason other than his own sadism. Flowey is fairly patient with Schans, but Schans doesn’t seem to intend to improve in the slightest and just continues.
Jotaro Sans
Fought once, Schans lost, Schans is VERY ANGEE ABOUT IT
About OverDeltaDustFellShiftSwapSwapShiftTale
The Underground is completely unoccupied apart from Papis, Schnans and Flowey who keeps Snowdin running smoothly. Flowey is the only somewhat sane person left. He suffers from severe depression at the hands of the Calcium Bros.
| Official |
The Schnans Plaissse Chronicles: Part 1 of 256
The Schnans Plaissse Chronicles: Part 2 of 256
| Unofficial |